


The Downsides to Being a War Hero

by demonlifehealer



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Characters Reading Fanfiction, Characters Writing Fanfiction, Denial, Dirty Talk, Ego Stroking, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Everyone Thinks They're Together, Fanfiction, Fatherly Sarge, Half Robot, M/M, Mild S&M, Oblivious, Partners to Lovers, Roommates, confused feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-05-20 09:15:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6000409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonlifehealer/pseuds/demonlifehealer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grif looks at fan websites after the war to have his ego stroked. That is until he runs across a fan website that obsesses over him AND Simmons.</p><p>Now he finds that he wants to stroke something else.</p><p>Grif/Simmons, Simmons/Grif</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Getting His Ego Stroked

Grif yawned as he reached his arms up in the air. The humid warmth of the apartment he shared with Simmons made him consider going back to sleep. A loud groan made itself known from the orange soldier’s stomach. The Hawaiian shook his head and begrudgingly got to his feet. That settled that. 

The man meandered to the kitchen where he grabbed a pack of Oreos only to sit back on the couch and grab his laptop. He opened up the search engine and typed in, “War Hero Dexter Grif”. Immediately thousands of results popped up, some were informational pages about the war, however Grif skipped them over. 

He was looking for fan websites.

The orange war hero didn’t feel guilty about his secret past time. Who didn’t like to have their ego stroked?

Many of the searches were highlighted pink indicating that he had already visited them. Grif shrugged and clicked on page 4 of the browser, hoping to find some new results. He munched loudly on his cookies. A website called “Me Love Grif and Simmons Long Time.” Pulled up.

The Hawaiian man smiled as he shook his head and moved his mouse a little past the title before changing his mind and clicking the link. He didn’t like the idea of sharing his fame with Simmons but the title had caught his eye. 

The website was poorly designed with pictures of Grif and Simmons standing next to each other as the Wallpaper. The info box read: “I am so happy that all of you decided to visit my website! Yay! We all owe Grif and Simmons for the part they played in bringing reunification. This website is dedicated to all things Grif and Simmons! It doesn’t matter how big or how small, please feel free to post! The forum is free for all to use!”

Grif clicked the “forum” button which was highlighted in neon green. There were thousands of posts. Everything ranging from whether Grif wore boxers or briefs to how Simmons liked his tea. It was a little overwhelming. Grif knew that he had some fans but never THIS MANY. There was one link that caught his eye.

“Who do you think tops in the relationship?”

The content was disturbing enough but Grif figured that maybe they were talking about who would be topping when he was in a relationship with someone else. He was sure that he had a ton of fans who wanted to be with him. He clicked the link and was immediately assaulted with pictures which had been photoshopped of him and Simmons in a sexy pose. The picture had Grif with his helmet off in where he seemed to be falling. Simmon’s arms were outstretched apparently catching Grif at the last minute. They lovingly looked into each other’s eyes. 

“The fuck?” The orange soldier asked outloud. He read down the thread under the picture. 

“My vote is for top Grif! It’s obvious that he has all the control in the relationship!”

“What relationship?!” Grif asked outloud. The answer came on the reply.

“I disagree. Grif is too lazy to initiate anything. He would probably prefer to be bottom, then Simmons could take care of him. Lol.”

“Yeah Simmons is noted for his anal tendencies. Pun intended :).

“Pun received! ;p.” Another anonymous user replied.

“I wonder if Simmons would even know what to do. Doesn’t he scream virgin to you?” Grif narrowed his eyes in thought. Was Simmons a virgin? Yes, he teased him about it but really? He must have had sex before. 

Another user added a picture. The picture was of a blushing Simmons. It was drawn in a feminine style with Simmons sitting on a bed. He was wearing an overly large orange T-shirt and his legs were pulled up to his chest, giving a glimpse of too large orange boxers.

The comment under the picture read, “How I imagine Simmons after sex with Grif.”

The thoughts that came into Grif’s head from seeing the picture were a mixture of humor and admiration for the artistic skill. A smile came to the Hawaiian’s face as he imagined Simmon’s reaction to the picture. Though he could admit, Simmons would look good in orange. Was Simmons a blusher? Grif was genuinely getting curious and a little disturbed at where his thoughts were going.

The next comment read, “You forgot the metal. Simmons does sport some cyborg parts. I wonder why?”

“All of you are crazy! This shit is disgusting! You are disgusting for supporting this! Who the hell would want someone who WILLINGLY became a cyborg? Fucking race traitors!” The next comment replied. 

There was a myriad of comment calling the guy a jackoff, to explaining why he shouldn’t discriminate against half-cyborgs, and threatening to get the monitor involved. Grif’s lip curled in disgust at the anonymous user. There were still people like this around. People who believed that a person who willingly took on robotic features was a traitor to the “natural” human order. He actually felt insulted on Simmon’s behalf. Who the fuck was this guy to judge his teammate? Especially when Simmon’s sacrifice was due to him and saved his life? It took precious energy which the orange war hero normally wouldn’t exert but it seems that his hands moved on their own.

“Hey you salty bitch back the fuck off. You’re just jealous because Simmons has a bigger dick than you and that he can do ten times as much since he is so enhanced. Don’t be a fucking sore loser flesh bag, you never stood a chance against Simmons. He would already be way better than you even if he didn’t have the robot parts and I bet Grif freaking loves the cybernetics. Hell, Grif could probably drown you in all of his cum from how much he gets off thinking about Simmon’s parts.” And like that he posted it. 

And instantly regretted it.

He blushed when he read what he had just wrote. Shit, he was going off of emotion. The Hawaiian man looked desperately for a “remove message” or “edit” button. None were in sight. 

“Fuuuucccckkkk.” He groaned into the air. He didn’t mean for his defense of Simmons to come out so gay. Ugh. On the bright side Simmons would never have to know this happened. 

Ever.

Grif quickly pushed the back button and he was going to leave the site entirely, never to return but another thread caught his eyes. “Stories of Bravery” shone out in gaudy gold lettering in the middle of the other topics. Grif shrugged. Why not? Maybe not everything on this site was gay. Maybe it was just that subject thread? Forums could be prickly at the worst of times. Grif could always use a new story to tell people.

The stories of Bravery thread was really just a place with links to stories and a small summary. He randomly clicked on what was supposed to be him saving everyone and leading their escape. The story was going pretty well. It was written with the typical war descriptions until the part where he saved Simmons from the blast.

_“Grif stared down at Simmons. The other soldier looked up at him with tears running down his shiny large green eyes. “You saved me? Why? I thought you hated me?” He asked in disbelief. The hero worship made Grif’s insides turn to mush. That was all he had wanted. That was why he had worked so hard to stop the villains and save everyone. Not for himself, but for Simmons. Grif gently stroked Simmon’s cheek. “I could never hate you, Dick.” He lovingly whispered as he leaned down and kissed his teammate’s lips. Explosions rang out in the background signaling victory. It was a kiss that years later both Simmons and Grif would always remember.”_

The orange soldier shook his head. Ok, this was getting fucked up. Who the hell stops in the middle of a war zone to make out with their partner? That’s like begging to get shot! It’s the worst time to make out! And what the fuck was up with Simmons looking at him with “worship”? What bullshit. The part about Simmons crying was a little funny though.

He clicked another story and instantly felt himself harden, not from it being Simmons as the main character but by the dirty talk that was apparent and covered half the page.

_“You are such a fatass. You’re like a fat little piggy. Can’t get enough of my cock can you Grif?” Simmons asked as he slammed Grif’s head down on him to the pubic hairs._

_Simmon’s looked down. He smirked at his concubine. Grif would learn. Simmons continued roughly throat fucking his slave._

_“You are such a cum whore. You love this don’t you you pig? Make me cum! Show me that your mouth is better suited for swallowing dick instead of swallowing pastries. You were born for this. Born to eat dick and drink cum. You mindless animal.” Simmon slammed the whip on Grif’s back urging him to go faster._

_“You have one minute to get me off or I will make you squeal like the pig you are.” Simmons threatened._

Grif quickly exited out of the entire tab. His eyes widened at what he had just read. It was horrible and demeaning and humiliating...and so _hot_. He scowled at his half hard dick which was pressing against his pants. That was enough of that, Grif concluded. Images of the dominant Simmons that the story portrayed were at odds with the real Simmons. His teammate would probably blush from head to toe if he ever tried to say those words to Grif, but then again, there was that time he had been “captured” by Simmons.

Though the author of the story apparently didn’t know the full mechanics. Why would Simmons whip him while he was sucking him off? That could make him accidentally bite on Simmon’s dick, which would be unsexy, if not funny. Slamming him down on Simmon’s dick was stupid and if that was happening in real life he probably would have vomited on the dick. Oh he could just hear the horrified bitching now. Simmons didn’t really have the ability to be like that. If anything he was such a kiss ass that Simmons would probably LOVE the slave title. He wondered how Simmons would be at service. His partner obviously would be fantastic at it because he was such a hard worker. Grif’s dick jumped at the idea of Simmons serving him.

The door suddenly opened which had Grif instantly covering his (now) hard on with the laptop. Simmons walked in and noticed the suspicious move. “What are you doing? Ew! Gross! Are you watching porn! Not in the living room Grif! How many times do I have to tell you?” Simmons nagged.

“Quit bitching. I’m going to my room!” Grif easily surrendered as he began walking to his room. He was never going to that site again.

Simmons looked taken aback by Grif’s quick retreat but shrugged it off. It was one less thing he had to deal with.


	2. Simmon's Computer Problems

Simmons sat down in his room with his laptop, _seething_. Damn it all to hell. He hated the Window Pane 10 upgrade. He bit down on his lip to avoid screaming in frustration at the stupid thing. He knew he should have stayed with the Leenux operating system but everybody had been switching over and he thought he should give it a try. Sarge wasted no time in ordering Simmons to give his old computer over for spare parts and at the time Simmons didn’t think it was worth arguing over.

It was now and he was about to go insane. He had gone through having his head fucked with, he had lived through an extremely convoluted organ removal surgery and he had survived a war, but this was going to be the end of him. He could imagine his epitaph, “Window Pane 10 Finally Killed Him. Rest in Peace Fucker.” He had already gotten a virus and everything was so slow. He felt a little like crying from how long he had been working on the stupid thing. The maroon soldier was beyond frustrated. His anxiety was increasing from being away from the internet for too long. 

He took a glance to his door as a contemplative look came over his face. There _was_ another computer in the apartment. He had given Grif one of his older models a few years back. The lazy fuck never bothered to get a new one. It wouldn’t technically be stealing. Grif wasn’t even home.

Simmons nodded into the open air as he made up his mind. He would just use Grif’s laptop until Grif got home and he could take the other one back tomorrow. He needed to let his other computer reboot and he could double check to make sure he dealt with the virus correctly. He would have to deal with Grif’s bitching when he got home but it was a small price to pay to lessen the internet withdraws.

Simmons stood up and walked toward Grif's room. He put his hand on the doorknob and turned. He grimaced. The smell of sweat, unwashed clothes, and old food assault his senses. Ugh.

The laptop was on top of the bed. Simmons tip toed past the multiple candy wrappers that were spread across the floor. He grabbed the laptop and retreated back to his room. He opened up the laptop and the background greeted him. Grif never bothered to lock his laptop because it would take too much effort to remember and put in the password. It had always bothered Simmons before but now it worked to his advantage. The computer sat in front of him and Simmons grimaced at the food smears on it. He was disgusted but not surprised. Leave it to Grif to not even bother cleaning the keyboard.

He opened up the search engine and suddenly a thought came to mind. If Grif let the outside of his computer get this dirty, how dirty was the inside? How often did he delete cookies? Simmons sighed as he opened the “History” tab. He supposed that he would have to be the responsible one, _yet again._

He planned to go straight to the cookie removal process but next to the “Most Recent History” read “Me Love Grif and Simmons Long Time.” The title was so out of the ordinary that it distracted Simmons from his original mission to delete the cookies. What the fuck was Grif looking up? Heat rose to Simmon’s face as he angrily imagined his teammate looking up blackmail material on him. 

That fat fuck.

The maroon soldier pressed the link. There he was greeted with forum of horrible proportions. It looked like the website owner didn’t even try to design the website with any skill. It looked like a ten year old’s first computer project. Visiting such a poorly designed website was making Simmons feel antsy. He was in the “Stories of Bravery” thread. His anger for Grif cooled slightly. That asshole was probably stroking his ego. He read down the forum and saw a story that was supposed to be angst with himself as the focus. Simmons had been feeling a little down lately. Maybe this story would reflect that.

_“Simmons whimpered into the boxers that he had stolen from Grif. He sniffed at the musky smell which reminded him of the orange soldier. He couldn’t ever let Grif know. Grif could never know the feelings he was keeping from him. He could never know how much he loved him. How much he wanted him..”_

Simmons hit the back button immediately. A nervous laugh exited him which sounded confused. His face burned with shame of what he had read. What the fuck was that about? Smelling his clothes? Simmon’s nose scrunched up at the thought. He smelled enough of the fatass as it was! A disgusted look came over him. Boxers. That was so unsanitary. What was the author’s problem? He would not wish sniffing Grif’s crotch stains on his worst enemy. Maybe if they had used Grif’s boxers they would have beaten Felix and Locus sooner. He felt sick just reading that.

Simmons mentally promised himself that no matter who he fell in love with he would not ever steal their underwear. He had principles. This website made Simmons confused. He could understand typing your name in a search engine but this was ridiculous. What the fuck was Grif thinking? Was he actually into this shit? Was he going to have to start hiding his underwear? Simmons made a mental note to keep a closer tabs on his laundry. 

It made Simmons paranoid. He could just imagine Grif laughing at him as he read these stories. He was going to kill that fucker. If this was what he was doing then what had he already done? Trepidation was extinguished with anger as he opened the “History” Tab. He picked out a forum from the menu randomly from the website. It opened to a thread called “Who do you think tops in the relationship?” 

Simmons was intrigued by the title. He vaguely wondered what people thought about him and his love life. He read down the thread and was instantly assaulted with fan art. The forum updated by most recent post so the picture that the maroon soldier saw was of him standing shirtless on the battlefield. The abs had been expertly drawn and it showed off his cybernetic arm. He wore a cocky smirk that went well with the leather pants the artist had drawn on him. In the background was an anime Grif hiding behind a tree with a little heart over his head and chibi eyes. This fanart was titled “Cyborg Revolution.”

“Hey guys! I did another one this time with the cybernetic parts! Thanks for letting me know!” The artist posted underneath the picture. 

“Simmons is so freaking hot. I would hit that, if Grif would let me :P.” Another user commented below.

“Good job on the picture! Can you imagine how it must feel for Grif to be held down by that arm?”

“Yum!” 

There were many comments of the same caliber. Simmons felt flattered that someone would take the time to make a picture of himself. It was high quality and must have taken a great deal of time. It did make him feel a little guilty that his abs weren’t up to that exact quality. He didn’t like disappointing people, even people he didn’t know. There was some hesitance in his enthusiasm as he realized that people on the internet were speculating about his sex life. It also disturbed him that people were so focused on his arm. It was a nice thing to imagine but no one really knew of the problems it caused him or how self conscious he felt about it.

Simmons went down the thread and saw more fan pictures and sexual talk about him and Grif. He then past a post which said, “Responded Yesterday 3 PM.” Curiosity overwhelmed him. There were no other “Responded” tags so he could only presume that Grif had felt inclined to write something. It was probably Grif berating the others from taking the attention away from him. Selfish asshole. What he read instead makes him both horrified and grateful. 

_“Hey you salty bitch back the fuck off. You’re just jealous because Simmons has a bigger dick than you and that he can do ten times as much since he is so enhanced. Don’t be a fucking sore loser flesh bag, you never stood a chance against Simmons. He would already be way better than you even if he didn’t have the robot parts and I bet Grif freaking loves the cybernetics. Hell, Grif could probably drown you in all of his cum from how much he gets off thinking about Simmon’s parts.”_

There is a part of him that wants to believe that Grif didn’t write that in response to that asshole’s remark but the time and date of the reply stood out in neon letters under the post. The post brings many questions to Simmon’s mind. The first one being how does Grif know how big his dick is? The second is how much does Grif love his cybernetics because not once in their thirteen year history has he been given any indication that Grif would drown others in his cum by his like of Simmon’s cybernetics. 

There is a part of Simmons which is flattered that Grif would defend him and another part which is wondering now if Grif is secretly gay for him. He is sure that isn’t the case. He has known the man for thirteen years and not once have they done anything but bicker. Their whole relationship was summed up by Grif doing anything he could to avoid work and Simmons bitching at him to get to work. That was it. Done.

Only that may not be the case. The maroon soldier could admit that he was oblivious but even he isn’t this oblivious. This whole site is dedicated to him and Grif in some type of relationship. If Grif is reading this and defending him then maybe he is looking at him in a different way.

Simmon’s rests his chin on his hand. The idea isn’t completely bad, just really disturbing. His heart thumps as he imagines coming in from work and Grif answering him with a smooth, “Hey Babe, how was work?” The thought makes him blush. The idea is too domestic. The problem was that it wasn’t all that different from how they greeted each other now, just replace the “Babe” with “Asshole”. 

The creep factor was just too high and Simmons finds that he REALLY doesn’t want to think about this new development. His anxiety is swiftly returning as he thinks about what he is supposed to do from this point on. The pictures that he has found makes him imagine all type of terrible things about his friend. He wonders what Grif would kiss like? His brain nearly short circuits and he is caught between nervously laughing, making a run for it, or continuing the visualization.

The plan he come up with his simple. Put the laptop back and pretend this NEVER happened. Repression and denial were always his strong points. He robotically deletes his history, shuts the laptop, and puts it back in Grif’s room. He will not ever think of this again. Absolutely nothing has changed. He will just go and see if he successfully took care of the virus from the Window Pane 10 computer and maybe take a nap after. 

There is no reason to think about Grif at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. Simmons is a computer fanatic so I hope I got the terminology right. Thank you all, especially those who commented. You really made my day!


	3. Simmons Makes a Decision

He did end up visiting the website again, so many times again. 

Like now for instance.

_“Please Grif! Please! I can’t take it anymore!” Simmons pleads and he holds open his legs, begging Grif with his eyes to please take the plunge…”_

Grif can’t help the snorts that he is making. _Oh, yeah Simmons. I’ll take the plunge alright!_ He thinks as his snorts turn to light hearted giggles. He has laughed more in this week than he has in the past year.

Grif doesn’t know what has happened to him. Afternoons which used to be spent looking up how great he was were now spent looking up how to deal with Simmons by people who thought they were experts in the field (they weren’t). One story recommended to get Simmons to shut up all he would have to do was kiss him. The orange war hero had gotten a good belly laugh from that one. He could imagine Simmons in full blown techno-rant mode suddenly being kissed by him. The idea was hilarious. Simmons would give him that sputtering slack jawed look before blushing to the tips of his ears and punching him in the face with a forced out high pitch, “What the fuck asshole?” Or maybe the punch would come first. Grif was past the point of pretending the he was doing research or accidentally “stumbling” on the stories. 

Originally, he was feeling drawn to the website. He knew that it was best to ignore the impulse. That didn’t stop him from going back. He had told himself that he would only check again just to make sure that he wasn’t hallucinating the first time. That crazy people online actually existed who spent all their free time drawing fan pictures and writing gay stories about real people. He was hooked after that. Grif could not stop reading. He had actually become a fan to a few of the stories. He was curious what people thought about him. Some of the stories would be considered hot if they were about anyone other than himself and Simmons. 

_Only a few though._

The “forbidden” factor probably encouraged his web surfing habits. It made Grif’s stomach fill with butterflies at the rush of getting caught by Simmons. He wondered what his roommate’s reaction would be if he walked in on Grif reading one of the saucier stories. Simmons would be mortified and it would be hilarious. 

It didn’t help that Simmons had been acting suspicious. The maroon soldier had been triple checking the laundry lately, which was weird. Maybe that one story he had skimmed over had more truth to it than he thought. The one he was reading now on his second tab (don’t judge) was a cuddle fic where Simmons and Grif were having an early morning cuddle. 

_“The warm blankets wrapped around them both and Simmons was grateful for Grif’s extra body heat. The orange soldier pulled his teammate closer. The warmth surrounded them. The sleepiness which surrounds them both is comforting. The blanket it barely big enough to cover both of them, but that is alright. Grif places a lazy kiss on Simmons lips. Simmons Keens.”_

Grif yawned. That story was cute, in a sorta boring way. He wondered if Simmons would react like that. In Blood Gulch his teammate was always so uptight. He would have his bed made at the ass crack of dawn, up to military standards. You could bounce a quarter off that bed. Grif always enjoyed undoing it slightly just to see how angry Simmons would get. 

It was funny.

The Hawaiian man got up from his bed, closed his laptop, and gave a stretch. He supposed he would take a cigarette break. He walked out of the room to be greeted with Simmons watching TV. The other looked annoyed at the news. Grif wondered how long his teammate had been up listening to people debating policies. The TV was already on when Grif woke up. Grif had the strangest urge to wrap his arms around the back of the man and pull him towards his chest. _Ugh, too much fanfiction._

“Took you long enough to wake up Fatass.” The maroon soldier offhandedly comments without turning around. Simmon’s cybernetic enhancements can be a real bitch sometimes. The Hawaiian remembers how easy it was to sneak up on his teammate before. It has been many a year since he has successfully done it after the “enhancement” operation. 

Grif stands there and raises an eyebrow. _Well, look who’s in a sassy mood today._ Simmons had been on a non stop PMS rage for the past week. Grif wondered what got his panties in a wad. It reminded him of that fanfiction he read where he had to take the maroon soldier down a few pegs.

_“Grif could simply no longer stand Simmon’s nagging._

_“And another thing! When you do the dishes you need to put them up with the plate side facing out not in. They didn’t dry evenly because of you couldn’t take the less than a second of thought necessary to put them in correctly. Also when you stack the plates you need to put the ordered by size, smallest on top and largest on bottom. If you don’t they get out of order and we run the risk of the…..ahh!!”_

_Grif pulled the weaker soldier to him. “I think I’ve had enough of your mouth. Maybe you should do something useful with it.” He growled at him._

_“What do you mean?” The other asked suddenly with a gasp._

_“How about I show you..”_

“Hey, Asshole! I’m talking to you! Did your ears decide to stay asleep today? Sarge wants us to meet him in the training room later!” Simmons informs him but Grif can only focus on his lips. He has noticed that he is beginning to notice a lot more about Simmons lately. Things that he would have never noticed before.

“Whatever. I’ll be there, Kiss ass.” 

“Damn straight you will and come on time!” Simmons orders.

“Ok, God you are such a nag.” Grif groused as he walks passed Simmons and onto the foyer to have his smoke. The maroon soldier zeros in on the cigarette. His eyes narrow. 

“This is your only one this week! You’re not getting another lung!” Simmons simpers. Grif responds with the middle finger and by closing the glass door to the balcony.

Simmons takes a deep breath and angrily lays his head down on the couch. He feels irrationally angry at Grif and glares at him as the orange soldier smokes. Using HIS lungs. There was little that could be done. He could not make the tenseness in his stomach go away. When he talked to Grif there wasn’t any of the carefree interaction that they had shared before. He felt this oppressive energy around them now. Simmons knew it was his fault, when he saw Grif the first thing that came to mind was the Hawaiian laughing at him by reading those stories. This left the maroon soldier angry and feeling humiliated.

 _His repression had failed._

Simmons blamed the website. He had promised himself that no matter what he would not be returning to the website but the stories kept haunting him. Once he had bought his new computer the first place he went was to his search engine to look for the “Me Love Grif and Simmons Long Time” website. He had felt ashamed, almost akin to a school boy who had watched his first porno in the family living room. 

He was hooked after that. It was nearly a compulsion. What started out as a passive aggressive way to get back at Grif had turned into a genuine interest in the plots and characters. There was always one more story to read. One more idea to evaluate. Simmons vaguely wondered if he was a narcissist for looking himself up. 

_He checked the criteria. He wasn’t._

The stories were good but they forced the maroon soldier to re-evaluate everything in his head. Those moments in the past, what was the real reason he made the decisions he made? It made him feel confused which made him feel even more angry. It also made him aware of things about Grif that he was previously uninformed about and how little the authors knew when it came to the real Grif. Like Grif’s pillowy lips, or his hidden muscles under the fat, or how nice his smile was. Simmons thought he was going to be sick from the flowery words used to describe the Fatass. 

There was nothing like seeing Grif’s pillowy lips swallow down a whole chicken to make you not want them anywhere near you. His strong hidden muscles might be great in a battle but not so much when they leave an actual indent in the sofa. The smile. He would give them that one. The point is that there was now a tension that hadn’t existed since the early days of Blood Gulch. The other point is that Simmons couldn’t pin down what type of tension it was.

If it was only anger they probably would be over it by now, but the energy was tinged with something. It was an explosive mix of curiosity, lust, and anger. The problem was that Simmons had no idea if what he was seeing was real or if his mind decided to make it up for him. He thought that he has been noticing Grif staring at him more these days but that could be a coincidence. 

All Simmons did was avoid the problem but he was thinking maybe that wasn’t the right way to go about it. He stared up at the ceiling and took in a deep breathe to calm himself. He knew that he should man up and talk to Grif like an adult. His face heated up in a hot blush at the thought. He didn’t want to confront Grif. Fuck being an adult. The last thing he needed was to incriminate himself and embarrass Grif. The whole situation was just humiliating.

And what if Grif decided to confess to him? Simmons did not think he could take it, so anger, confusion, and avoidance is what it would have to be. 

Simmons wasn’t stupid. This issue needed to be taken care of. He needed to deal with this problem in a roundabout way that would change society and NOT let Grif ever know what he was feeling. Those authors thought that they knew Grif. Hah! They didn’t have a clue what it was like living with the asshole, and Simmons was going to show them. He was going to show them through something more hard core than negative reviews or thumbs down. He was going to show them with stories. 

Dick Simmons was going to become a fanfiction writer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not exactly sure how the notes work, it seems like they are just stacked on top of each other. If any body knows more please let me know. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, bookmarked, or gave me kudos! I really appreciate it! Have a wonderful night!


	4. Simmons write a Fanfiction

Simmons stared at the word document in anticipation. He took deep breathes and let his hands rest gently on the keyboard. He had been excited to start his project but now the blank screen was making him feel anxious. The first question was how to start? Simmons thought about the stories he had read. He grimaced as he looked at the screen. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard. He waited a bit longer before he wrote out a bland starting sentence.

_“Dexter Grif was sleeping on the couch.”_

He gave a small nod. This wasn’t that hard. Simmons took another deep breath and let his emotions do the work.

_“Like the Fatass he was. There was plenty of work to do but the Asshole could not be bothered because he liked lazing his fat ass around much more than actually contributing to society like the jerk off he is.”_

The maroon soldier smiled at the sentence. It was an evil smile and his fingers seemed to move on their own. All the anger that he had at Grif seemed to come into being. 

_“He was lucky to have Simmons. Unlike Grif, Simmons was a hard worker. Simmons wanted the apartment to be clean. Woe was Simmons because every time he did get the apartment clean the Fat Fuck known as Grif decided to destroy all his precious work. People liked Simmons much better than Grif. Simmons was seen as somebody who could be trusted unlike the resident Lazy Asshole.”_

Simmon’s hands typed furiously. His eyes glazed over as he went into the world that he had created. The computer screen reflected off of his eyes.

_“Simmons wanted the world to be orderly and neat, while Grif was content to wallow in his own filth day after day. Grif’s side of the room stunk up the whole apartment to the point where if Simmons didn’t clean it the landlord wouldn’t be able to rent out the apartment again due to the damage. Simmons was such a nice person, unlike Grif, **who would order a whole fucking pizza for himself and not even leave one slice left for his roommate who had just been training the platoon for 12 hours straight! The Asshole!”** _

Simmons seethed inwardly as he remembered that incident. 

_“The day had started normally with Grif not getting off his fat ass. Simmons was drinking coffee in the kitchen doing something productive with his time. The door was suddenly slammed open as Sarge..”_

Here Simmons stopped. Was it fair to include Sarge in all this? Sarge was an innocent bystander in Simmon’s personal mission to get people to realize Grif/Simmons wasn’t hot. The maroon soldier stared at the screen as he thought about what to do about this. Who else could he use to warn him of the impending bomb in the story? Sarge was also a war hero and while his commander was a genius with robotics he was rather useless when it came to the internet. Simmons stared at the screen in contemplation. His respect for his commander warred with his need to change the world. Simmons swallowed hard and continued to type. Technically it would be alright. It’s not like he is showing Sarge in a bad light. Simmons hardened his resolve and continued on. 

_“ran in! “Oh Simmons! It’s horrible! Some disasterly devil has threatened to bomb the town and they are calling for you specifically! What should we do Son?” Simmons was at the ready._

_“No worry Sarge! I will take care of this!" Simmons answered._

_“Well, if anyone can it would be you! You’re my most talented soldier. Unlike that piece of shit Grif.”_

_“Thank you Sir!” Simmons saluted as he left to face the villain.”_

Simmons smiled to himself. He was proud of where his story was going, He took on a contemplative look and thought about who he could make the villain. He thought back to the Blue team. He supposed that he could model the villain after Church. That guy was such an asshole. His brow crinkled as he imagined making the mastermind Locus or Felix but that gave him a sick feeling. Too many people had lost too many friends to those two. The thought was bringing his mood down. The soldier kept writing a bit slower in order to keep up the pace. Maybe it would be best to create an imaginary villain?

_“The center of town was cleared out by the time Simmons 2.0 had arrived. The evildoer stood in the center of town. “Simmons! I know you’re out there!” He bellowed as his blue cape blew in the air. Simmons lept toward the mastermind._

_“What have you done with everyone?!” Simmons yelled heroically. The villain cackled._

_“I have come back for revenge after my humiliating defeat at your hands. Now everyone will suffer!” The blue mastermind yelled.”_

Grif opened his door and walked toward the refrigerator passing Simmon’s room. The maroon soldier’s door was cracked slightly open. The Hawaiian man looked through the crack to see Simmons lost in his own world, sitting on his bed moving his head out of the way of imaginary punches and shadow boxing back. 

Grif’s eyes widened at seeing his teammate in such a position. He suddenly had the feeling that he was walking in on something he shouldn’t have. He uncharacteristically felt embarrassed on Simmon’s behalf. Simmons was completely oblivious. It was disturbingly cute. Grif stared for a moment and grimaced. _“The hell? What is the nerd doing? You know what? It’s too early for this shit.”_ The orange war hero slowly walked backward to his room. He was going back to bed. 

_“Simmons wasted no time rushing forward and punishing the villain. Punch after punch was unrelentingly delivered. Simmons 2.0 was the far superior fighter and it wasn’t long until the blue evildoer was lying in pain at Simmon’s feet._

_“You think you’ve won? Well, you haven’t! The bomb will go off in five minutes! Can you find it Simmons?” The defeated villain taunted. Simmons gasped at the scheme before activating his robotic eye. He read the heat sensors from his eye where he could see where the bomb had been placed. Simmons rushed to the building using his enhanced speed. There was the bomb._

_The sirens could be heard in the background as the police forces rushed toward the scene. Simmons 2.0 looked back to where the caped villain sat, defeated. The red letters of the countdown flashed on the bomb. Simmons had less than a minute. He had to defuse the bomb. People relied on him._

_Simmons smirked as he easily cut the wire. The bomb posed no threat compared to Simmon’s intelligence. The bomb was poorly made but he would give the villain credit, at least he tired and Simmons was nice like that._

_Cheers rang out from the crowd. “We’re safe! Simmons 2.0 has done it again! Thank God!” The Mayor cheered as the Police forces put away the villain. Grif was visibly shaken in the crowd. He looked like he was crying. “That was so scary. Thank goodness you’re so strong.” He whimpered. Simmons walked closer to his roommate._

_“Do not worry friend. I am here.”_

Simmons pulled back and looked at his work. It was short. His face took on a contemplative look as he read over his document. His eyes went to the last sentence. He briefly considered changing it but figured that it showed that Grif was a pussy and Simmons was the bigger person.

Simmons pulled up another tab to a Fanfiction site called, “A Base of Our Own” and made an account. He carefully double checked the document and submitted it. His heart beat furiously as he looked at his completed story. Simmons breathed harshly. Shock flooded his system at what he had just done. The maroon soldier bit his lip as he staved off an anxiety attack. 

Part one of his plan was complete. Simmons composed himself and went to the “Me love Grif and Simmons Long Time” website and entered the “Stories of Bravery” forum. He made an anonymous thread and linked it to his story. 

His email account binged within ten minutes. He had a review. Simmons was shocked by the speed since his goal was to change the world, not to get reviews. He carefully opened it.

_“Haha! I loved it! Especially the ending! How is Simmons going to show Grif that there is no reason to be scared (wink wink).”_

Simmons face screwed up as he quickly re-read his story. People were not supposed to think this was erotic! Maybe he should have changed the last sentence? Simmon’s heard his email bing again. He had another review.

_“Grif would probably act like this but you come on a little heavy. Besides Simmon’s probably loves cleaning. He seems like the type. I liked it though.”_

Simmons was dumbfounded. What was wrong with these people? He stared at his screen with wide eyes. His email binged again.

_“When are you going to write some porn between the two?”_ The reviewer asked. Another bing. 

_“I love the superhero AU! Simmons 2.0 is my fav! I wonder if he’s 2.0 in bed too?”_ Another bing.

_“This is so good! You are talented! Please keep up the good work!”_

Simmons wanted to scream. They were not supposed to like it. They were supposed to realize that Grif was an asshole that didn’t deserve to be written about, at the same time, if did feel really good to get validated. Insanely good. Maybe he could write a porno? He cringed. Simmons REALLY didn’t want to imagine Grif like that but maybe if he wrote about how bad Grif was at sex they would realize that they were barking up the wrong tree. Simmons sighed. No one said that making the world a better place would be quick or easy. 

Grif was waking up from his second nap. He sleepily went opened his laptop and went to the “Me Love Grif and Simmons Long Time” website. He went to the “Stories of Bravery” section and noticed a new story. _“Grif is an asshole and Simmons saves the day.”_ Was the summary. Grif’s eyes widened as a sardonic smile came to his face. Well this should be good. 

He read the first few lines and shook his head. Whoever this _“Maroon Platoon”_ was, he had a huge hard on for Simmons. He vaguely played around with the idea of showing it to Simmons. It was honestly that bad. It might be worth it for the wide eyed stuttering look which he would receive. Grif didn’t feel angry for how he was portrayed. The author hit him dead on with the pizza incident. Simmons had been so mad. 

Grif clicked the “Review” button. _“Not bad newbie, however you forgot the part where Grif talks Simmons down from the panic attack after. Now, hurry up and do one where Simmons gets his ass owned by Grif.”_ Grif responded. He figured that would unbalance the author enough to make a really bad sex scene and if he was going to get all hateful on Grif he could at least be realistically hateful. Too much hate could make a bad story. Grif couldn’t wait to see what laughingly horrible story the author put out next. Grif whistled a tune as he went to the kitchen. It was well past breakfast time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for explaining the notes! I really needed that! I want to thank everyone who reviewed, gave kudos, or bookmarked the story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter because it was really fun to write!


	5. Grif wants Eggs

Simmons leaned against the kitchen counter as he sipped his coffee. There were bags under his eyes from staying up late the past few nights. His Grif and Simmons sex story attempt was not going well. The time spent when the maroon soldier wasn’t training the platoons was spent staring at a blank screen. Simmons had learned that he did not have the magic touch when it came to writing sex scenes. He tried to think of how it would work if Grif and him did have sex but he didn’t have the vaguest idea of how to even get the characters into bed without them being completely out of character. His blush reached the tips of his ears as he hid behind his coffee cup as he thought about some of his earlier attempts, which were promptly deleted. 

He heard footsteps approaching and looked up to see Grif.

“You look like shit.” The other stated. 

“You look great yourself, fatass.” Simmons replies without thinking. Grif tilts his head and stares at Simmons for a moment. He is looking at him unflinchingly. Simmons blinks at the unnerving stare that he forces himself to meet it dead on. The maroon soldier finds himself blushing. He stares back at Grif. His mind whirling with the problems with his fanfiction muse and his teammate’s most recent attempt to knock him off balance. Maybe he was thinking too much? _No such thing_. 

“So do you want some eggs?” Grif asks suddenly. Simmons blinks. 

“Yes?”

“Great! I’ll take some too.”

“Oh, you are such an asshole. Make them yourself.”

“But Simmons! I can’t. I am too weak from starvation.” Grif dramatically exclaims as he puts the back of his hand to his forehead. The maroon soldier can’t help the exasperated snort that leaves him. The asshole could be funny if he put his mind to it, or food was on the line. Mostly when food was on the line, that fatass.

Simmon’s looked up at Grif who was looking back at him expectantly. This was a perfect opportunity! _Think of adjectives to describe him!_ Simmons stares at him in a deadpan look. He thinks of words he could use in his story. 

Grif does have the Hawaiian sun kissed skin. His hair is brunette with flowing highlights which come naturally. He is built like a tank. If the fatass ever used his muscles hidden under all the chub he might be able to lift the heavier items in the armory but no, that would take actual effort. Simmons wonders how he would put these facts into his porno. What position would Grif prefer? The fucker would probably like lying on his back, forcing him to do all the hard work. Would Grif even participate? 

Simmon’s could feel his face getting hot as he imagined Grif lying on his back with his hands behind his head as he forced Simmons to do all the foreplay. He could imagine how awkward it would be to make the first move with Grif staring at him. Which led to the question how would Grif be during sex? He bet the fucker would sneak Oreos in. It would be just like that fanfiction he had read earlier.

_“God why are you stopping?” Simmons whined as Grif decided to go still right on his prostate._

_“Give me one second. I need more energy.” Grif answered. Simmons heard a bag being opened and munching above him. The soldier felt something small, like dust hit his back._

_“Are you eating Oreos while we are having sex?” Simmons questioned. Grif responded by thrusting his hips harshly into his teammate below him._

“What's the problem nerd? You are blushing at everything.”

“I am not!” Simmons squeaks out. He is and he knows that he is but he has to cover this sensitive material for research. His fans will not forgive him if he doesn’t write another story. They are encouraging and Simmons finds that he cannot let them down. The three stories that he has written have gone over well. He has never felt so powerful and in control. 

_He wants more._

Grif raises an eyebrow as he stares at Simmons. Simmon’s face is red hot and Grif has no idea why. He doesn’t like not knowing what is going through Simmon’s head. He likes being the cause of Simmon’s distress. Grif’s lips quirk as a plan goes through his head. He will get his eggs or he will get his entertainment. He is not leaving without one.

“Oh Simmons You are so sexy!” Grif stated in a high falsetto voice as he swaggers with his hips toward the other.

Simmon’s face immediately looks shocked. His blush spreads to the tips of his ears. His eyes narrow in on his teammate. 

“What are you doing?” He whispers. 

“Oh, I think you know Simmons. You are such strong sexy man who also knows how to make breakfast. Nothing is better than a man that can cook, especially if that man cooks for his roommate and gives the roommate extra portions.” Grif replies as he moves closer still keeping the girly voice. He finds that he can’t keep a serious face. He is smiling wide. Simmons backs up out of reach. He is literally backing himself in a corner. Simmons carefully sets his coffee on the counter so he won’t spill it. Grif watches in amusement. _Why haven’t I been fucking with him like this years ago? Think of all the missed opportunities._

“I think you may have the wrong idea, asshole.” Simmons answers back. His head is swimming with all the stories he has read. His body will not stop shaking. Oh God, Grif really did like him in that way! 

“Oh yes, talk dirty to me and make me eggs.” Grif answers. He had no idea Simmons could get that red. It must be a new record. 

“I have to go!” Simmons squeaks out as he lightly pushes Grif out of the way and runs to his room. Grif watches as Simmons frantically retreats. His eyes slide down to the way Simmon’s butt looks before he reprimands himself. 

_Keep it above the waist, pal._

“So is that a “no” on the eggs?” Grif yells out into the empty kitchen.

Simmons closes his door and dive bombs into his bed. He is nearly hyperventilating at the scenario. Grif likes him. There could be no doubt about it now. A line had been crossed that could never be uncrossed. Grif always liked to tease him but he had never teased him like that before. The memory of Grif sauntering up to him kept replaying itself. That fat fuck would do anything for a meal.

 _Anything?_ All at once the maroon soldier was hit with the multiple stories he was “researching”. 

_“Please Simmons! Give me another chance. I will pay off my loan some way. I just need more time. I’ll do anything.” Grif pleads as he kneels in front of Simmons. Simmons brushes some imaginary dust from his suit._

_“Oh you will have plenty of time to pay off your debt. Plenty of time on your back. We start now.” Simmons demands as he pushes Grif to the side with his shoe.”_

_“Please. Simmons.”_

_“You borrowed from me and I cannot stand people who cannot complete their agreements. You should feel honored that I am showing mercy in this way and maybe if you keep me entertained enough you won’t have to entertain others.” He tightly explained as he pulled Grif in for a kiss._

Simmons felt like his brain was going to implode. He pulled the blanket over his head and hid from the world.

Damn Grif. Fucker. Always can rely on that asshole to make things more tense. Simmons stared at the laptop. Fuck it. He didn’t even feel like writing his observations. He waited a few more seconds. It was obvious to Simmons that moping wouldn’t make things better. His hand reached out to his computer. 

Maybe reading some fanfiction where Simmons is actually competent will help. He opened up the computer and began to read.

_“I love you Simmons. I will always love you and I am going to show you that love by fucking you in the mattress.”_

_Oh God!_ Simmons quickly shut his laptop and groaned. This had gotten out of hand. 

Sarge stood next to Donut by the training grounds. The younger soldier had decided that since the armory had been color coded he could rest for the day. Sarge took umbrage to this and had the lightish-red soldier join him in training the new recruits. There was no reason to laze about when there was work to do. Sarge looked over at the youngest red. Simmons and Grif were missing in action. 

“Something is going on Donut, Something suspicious. It must be a diabolical plot of those filthy Blues!” Sarge declared to the open space. Tucker heard him from the other side of the room and turned to wave. Donut cheerily waved back.

“I don’t know what you mean Sarge.”

“Ah Donut, poor naive Doughnut. There is something wrong with Simmons, and Grif has been way to happy lately! It’s completely unnatural and bad for team moral!” The Red team leader exclaimed. 

“Aw, Simmons probably had a hard night. All night. Doing paperwork!” The light-ish red soldier answered with a hand gesture. 

“Nights Donut! Simmons looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks while Grif always appear suspiciously well rested. That just can’t be tolerated.” Sarge stated with annoyance as he thought about Grif.

“Maybe Grif has been releasing his tension. His large powerful tension. With extra naps and healthier food!”

“Damn it Donut! Maybe they have been brainwashed by the Blues! We need a plan.”

“Oh yeah! Double - O Donut is on the case! What should we do Sarge?” The soldier asked as he excitedly looked at his Commander.

“I don’t know but it has to be something to stop the DIABOLICAL plan of the Blues.” Sarge answered as his eyes narrowed at Tucker across the room. 

“Like they say back in Iowa, you better butter those buns evenly.”

“Say what?” Sarge asked, confused.

“C’mon Sarge! Divide and Conquer. They might be hiding something big!”

“You may be onto something there Donut. I will talk with Simmons and you take that scum bag Grif. We need to get this taken care of. It needs to be a sneak attack! The Blues will never see it coming!”

“Yes Sir! Double O Donut is on the job right after I put on my rockets!!” The pink soldier enthusiastically agreed as he mimed putting invisible rockets on his back . Sarge stared at his subordinate before shaking his head. He didn’t get paid enough to deal with this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Now Sarge and Double - O Doughnut are on the case! Thank you for everyone who bookmarked, kudos, or gave reviews! I sincerely appreciate it! Have a wonderful day!


	6. Simmons Gets His Orders

Simmons rolled out of bed and onto the floor as his phone let out a shrill ring. It had been another long night for the maroon soldier and now it was going to be a short morning. Simmons had only had two hours of sleep. The phone was enough to snap him out of any rest he could be getting. He growled at the phone as his robotic arm aimlessly slammed into the space beside him, getting caught between the sheets. 

“Why is the phone still ringing?! Turn it off! I need my beauty sleep!” Grif’s voice yelled through the door.

“Shut the fuck up Grif!” Simmons yells back as he angrily gets up and grabs his phone with his human hand. He glares at the time which is five AM on the dot. The glare soften as he notices that it is Sarge doing the calling. His heart begins pounding furiously as he sits ramrod straight on the bed. Sarge hardly ever calls him outside of work. This must be an emergency. 

“You shut the fuck up Simmons!” Grif yells back. Simmons rolls his eyes at his roommate as he frantically hits the green phone button.

“Good Morning Sir!” The maroon soldier greets with a tired squeak at the end of his voice. 

“Simmons! Good God man! Why do you sound so tired?” Sarge questions over the phone. Simmons grimaces as he holds the phone away as his Commander’s country voice rings in his ears.

“I’m not tired Sir!” The maroon soldier states.

“Uh huh. Ok. I believe that COMPLETELY.” 

“I swear I’m fine Sarge!” 

“This engaging side conversation wasn’t why I called you. It has occurred to me that we have not had shooting practice in ages. The Red army will be weak against those filthy Blues unless we train! Suit up Simmons it’s you and me!”

“Yes Sir! Should I grab Grif too?”

“What part of “you and me” do you not understand? Although I suppose Grif would make a good target. Aw hell, who am I kidding? He would find a way to mess that up. Such is the way of Grif.”

“Don’t you dare try to pull me into this Simmons!” Grif groans from across the apartment. Simmons makes a face at Grif’s voice through the door. 

“Yes Sir! Only you and me, right?” 

“Correct Simmons! It’s one on one training today! Meet me at the shooting range at 8 o’clock. Are we clear?”

“Crystal Sir!”

“Good man Simmons!” Sarge yells as he hangs up. 

Simmons feels instantly awake as he stares at the phone. His smile nearly takes over his whole face. This is the first time that Sarge has wanted to spend time alone with him. It was like the fanfiction he wrote was coming to life in front of his eyes!

_“Simmons, I know that you have always been competing for my attention and I haven’t always been the best Commander but I’m here to let you know that that’s changing today! It took a lot of soul searching but I finally realized how damn lucky I was to have a second hand man as competent as you!” Sarge said with a tear in his eye._

_“Oh Sarge! I understand completely! I know all those years at war weren’t easy for you.”_

_“No! But what I did was wrong! I neglected my right hand man! My replacement should anything happen to me.”_

_“Sarge there is no way I could replace you.”_

_“There is only one way to make it up to you. I want you to be next in line for a promotion.”_

Simmons stretched as he went to take a quick shower. He lathered up his body as he thought about what Sarge would want to work on. Would they be working on speed? What about handling recoil? Would they focus on basic or advanced moves? Simmons was positively giddy as he prepared for his personalized training with Sarge. 

Simmons geared up with everything except his helmet and went into the kitchen to make his coffee. He walked with a skip in his step as he put the kettle on the boil. He contemplated making himself some breakfast. Sarge usually had intense training sessions and Simmons knew that he would regret it if he didn’t eat anything, in equal measures he knew as soon as the fat fuck smelled food he would want some. 

It wouldn’t be a nice quiet breakfast either, no, it would be all bitching about how early it was. _Boo hoo._ Simmons could only think of one thing to make his day more perfect. The maroon soldier quickly looked side to side to make sure Grif didn’t magically appear before he opened the orange soldier’s snack cabinet and quickly swiped one of Grif’s fried pies. He still stared at the kitchen opening, half expecting that Grif would come angrily rushing out of his room to defend his snacks. It wouldn’t have been the first time that has happened. Grif was oddly protective over his pies.

Oh, Simmons knew fully well that he would have hell to pay later and that it would be in his best interest to remember to bring back a bag full of snacks after training with Sarge. He went back to his room with the fried pie and the coffee. He still had about an hour before he had to leave. Simmons grabbed his computer and opened up another blank word document. This unfortunate situation gave him an idea on how his porno could work with Grif. There was one asshole named “lazyorange” who was following all of his stories and kept asking for one with “Grif owning Simmons' ass.” Like literally every comment was some variation on that sentence. 

Simmons’ eyebrows furrowed as he began typing. If “lazyorange” wanted some Grif on Simmons action then that would be what the sick pervert would get.

_“Simmons! Help me please! This is my first time. I’ve never put on a condom before! I don’t know what I’m doing.” Grif whispered with tears in his eyes as he looked up at the extremely good looking and built Simmons. Grif could only pray that one day he would be that attractive._

_“Oh Grif. Worry not. Not even I would leave you in such a state.” Simmons sighed as he shook his head. Simmons grabbed the aluminum square and tore off the top. He handed the condom to the orange soldier._

_“Now Grif. You are going to put it at the top and carefully slide it down.” Grif listened intently to every word that Simmons spoke._

_“Oh thank you Simmons! You’re so smart! Please! I can’t take it anymore! I’m going to die if I don’t get release!” He sobbed._

_“All you have to do is what I tell you.”_

Here Simmons had to stop to scoff. The image of Grif crying kept sticking out in his head. Writing that never got old. Grif would get so angry if he found out what he was writing. Simmons looked at the clock. He immediately stood up and rushed out the door. He had just enough time to grab a more substantial breakfast and get to the shooting range.

Sarge was waiting for Simmons outside of the range. The only person who had arrived before him was the owner himself. Sarge tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for Simmons. Sarge didn’t have to wait long. The maroon came jogging up within the next few minutes.

“Simmons! It’s about damn time!” Sarge yelled.

“Sorry Sir!”

“Aw hell, no matter! Onward to training! We’re wasting daylight!”

“Yes Sir.” Simmons saluted.

The two walked into the shooting range and prepared their targets. Sarge chose blue targets and looked over at Simmons to see how his soldier reacted to the color. His eyes didn’t show any anger at the color. _It’s worse than I thought!_ They did a few warm up shots before starting to seriously train. 

“That’s right Simmons! Imagine that target is a filthy Blue! Show no mercy!”

“Yes Sir!” Simmons yelled as he unloaded an entire clip into the blue holographic targets. Simmons could only describe the situation like something out of his dreams. Him and Sarge, the bonding, the camaraderie. Sarge kept looking at him a little weird but so what? This is what Simmons had wanted for so long now. The only way it could be better is if Sarge started calling him “Son”.

“Simmons! How do you feel about the Blues?” Sarge suddenly asked out of nowhere. The question confused Simmons but didn’t surprise him. Sarge had been campaigning to return to their old rivalries since the final battle. 

“I think they are unique sir.”

“Damn it Simmons! Don’t pussy foot around with me.”

“Yes Sir! They are terrible cowards Sir!” Simmons stated in mild confusion. He wasn’t sure what exactly his Commander wanted but that seemed like the safest bet.

“Good man Simmons! Have I ever told you about teamwork?”

“Yes Sir, you have delivered many inspiring speeches on the subject.”

“Then prepare for another one! Simmons! The Blues are out there, under our noses, across the town, and in some places right beside us! In hard times like these it’s important to trust your Red teammates! Especially Grif.”

“Grif, Sir?”

“Yes! Now I know that Grif is a lazy piece of shit who couldn’t do anything properly if he tried, however he would be the first one the Blues would think about using as a spy because of how minuscule his brain is. I want you to stay next to Grif. I want you to encourage him to work hard, wait, I just realized what I said. Scratch that. I want you to get in his head. I want you two to be SO CLOSE that Grif never even thinks about betraying the Red army. Have I made myself clear?”

“So wait, you’re telling me that you want me to spend time with Grif?” Simmons asked confused.

“No! I want you two so close that you can tell what each other is thinking, albeit with Grif that probably won’t be much! I want you two sleeping in the same bed! I want you so up in his space that Grif can’t separate himself from you! That will stop the Blue’s infernal spying plan on the glorious Red army! Why in tarnation are you blushing? Stop blushing! That is an order!”

Simmons wanted to stop blushing but it was out of his control. Sleep with Grif? This may be a chance for some up close and personal observation. His face heated up more as he imagined Grif cuddling with him in his sleep. They would be up close and personal. 

“What about Donut, Sir?”

“You leave Donut to me.”

“Is this an order?” Simmons asked. He had already resigned himself to the answer.

“Damn straight!” Sarge instantly answered. Simmons sighed. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to write nearly as much fanfiction now. It was all thanks to his fat fuck of a roommate and his insane Commander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, what could Sarge be thinking? Thanks to everyone who reviewed, bookmarked, or gave kudos! I really appreciate it!


	7. Grif Does Art

Grif knew from the moment he opened his eyes that it would be a stressful day. He had been awoken at an ungodly hour by Simmons' phone ringing across the apartment and had narrowly escaped being included in Sarge’s plans. He had went back to sleep after Simmons had gotten off the phone. 

The second time he had woken up Grif had a feeling that something was...off. He yawned and stretched in his bed. Grif contemplated simply staying in bed but the feeling that something was wrong would not leave him alone. He forced himself to get out of bed as he went to go have a snack. He opened up the cabinet and immediately knew what had happened. 

“Nooooooo!” He screamed.

That was it. Simmons had crossed a line. Grif angrily stomped back into his room and dug around in his art box. He didn’t want to do this but Simmons had brought this on himself. Grif grabbed his sketch pad and put the pencil to paper. Fueled by anger and hunger Grif worked for a few hours until he had completed a picture of Simmons covered in cum looking pie filling. Grif panted as he could feel his arousal heating up. 

“Oh C’mon.” He stated to no one. He tried not to feel disturbed by his sudden lust. The orange soldier quickly snapped a picture of his hand drawn picture and uploaded it to the “Me love Grif and Simmons Long Time” website. He named the picture “Pie Thief.” Grif stared at the original drawing. He had done a good job especially considering that he hadn’t sketched anything in years. The gooey pie filling looked delicious right next to Simmons’ full lips. He had drawn Simmons with an “oops, I got caught” expression. His arousal wasn’t going away. Grif palmed himself teasingly through his pants and wondered if it was weird to jack off to your roommate’s revenge picture.

_It doesn’t count. It means you’re too angry to know what’s hot._

Grif bought the thought and wrapped his hand around his member. That was when his phone went off. “God dammit.” Grif groaned as he reached for his phone. “Donut” flashed on the screen. Grif stilled and contemplated not answering but in the end he pressed the green phone button.

“Grif! It’s so good to talk to you!” Donut answered sweetly on at other end.

“Donut we saw each other yesterday.”

“Yeah I know.” Grif listened and he could hear some suspicious action oriented humming on the line.

“What is that?”

“What is what?” Donut asked.

“That humming.”

“Humming? I have no idea what you are talking about. In fact, I think you need to get your ears checked. Humming Grif, really?”

“Yeah, whatever. Is there a reason you called?” Grif asked.

“Oh yeah! It’s time for us to sweat! I want to go out tonight.”

“Yeah. No.” The orange soldier indifferently replied. 

“What? I’ll have you know that I know what will make you feel good and I’m not going to give you a choice.”

“Dude, I always have a choice.”

“Not this time negative Nancy. Sarge has specifically tasked me with making sure you get low. Tonight you are going to go out and experience things you have never experienced before.”

“Ok, you are way too happy about this.” Grif stated as he winced at the “get low” comment. 

“Don’t make me regret having you as my wing man. I’ll pick you up at nine. Don’t explode with anticipation before I get there! And Sarge said that you can either come with me or do push ups all day tomorrow. The ball is in your hole.”

“Don’t you mean “court”?” 

“That too.” Donut stated as he hung up. Grif rolled his eyes as he stared at the phone. It seemed that today was getting better and better. This was just what he wanted. A whole night of watching guys flirt with Donut while Donut drunkenly fights over the positive attributes of lace. He sighed and fell back into his bed. He bet that the lightish red soldier would try to get him on the dance floor. He hoped that wherever Donut dragged him to would have alcohol. He had a feeling he would need it. A lot of it.

Donut giggled as he ended the call and called Sarge. The phone rang for a few seconds before the Commander picked up.

“This is Double - O Donut. The grease has been spilt. I repeat. The grease has been spilt.” Donut whispered into the phone.

“Donut! Is that you?” Sarge yelled.

“Yes Sarge. Grif is on for tonight.”

“Heh, good job Donut! Make sure you make him work tonight. I want Grif to have the hangover from hell and I want lots of blackmail material. He’ll see what he gets for being well rested and happy. That scumbag.”

“You got it Sarge! How about Simmons?”

“Simmons is going to be so focused on Grif that even if the Blues capture him Simmons will be so brain dead from being around Grif for an extended period of time that he’ll be absolutely useless. The plan also has the advantage of forcing Simmons to rest since he’ll have to be on the same schedule as the lazy fatass.”

“Wow, that’s quite a plan Sarge.”

“I know! All of my plans are meticulously thought out and this one has the advantage of driving Grif to the point of insanity, which is just icing on top of the cake!” Sarge bragged, Donut listened on before hanging up. Their Commander never let anything go to chance!

Grif lazed around for the rest of the day, reading fanfiction and occasionally checking his email for reviews. He had received a pretty good number of them. 

_“Thank you for doing this!”_

_“Was the pie filling intentionally made to look like cum?”_

_“A normal night in the Grif-Simmons household.”_ That last one made him smile. _If only._

Grif waited until nine o’clock. He had hoped that he would run into Simmons so he could bitch him out but the maroon soldier had been absent all day. Grif had dressed for the mandatory night out. He had worn jeans and an orange shirt. It was nothing too much out of the ordinary but it was something that Donut would approve of. The last thing Grif needed was Donut rummaging through his closet, finding him perfect “party wear.” 

The light knock snapped him out of his musings. Grif answered the door and there was Donut. He had dressed in tight black jeans and wore a skin tight pink tank top which showed off his arms and had a black lace design on the front. “Wow Grif! I’m impressed! I thought I would have to dress you myself.”

“Not a chance in hell.” The Hawaiian muttered as the left the apartment. The club they went to was a new rave club that had started a few months before. The two walked into the club right before the opening time. Grif knew that Donut liked getting to places right before they opened to talk to others and get the best spot on the dance floor.

“Hi! It’s the cute guy! Want to exchange nail care secrets?” A bratty voice yelled from across the room.

“Oh you know it! I can give you all kinds of tips.” Donut stated without looking up to see who had greeted them. Grif did a double take. That voice sounded familiar. 

“Kaikaina!” Grif yelled.

“Hey it’s my bro! Where’s your husband?” Sister greeted.

“Hus...what…..where were you? I was worried sick!” Grif exclaimed. He was overcome with relief at seeing his sister alive. He had always wondered what happened to her after they arrived in Valhalla. 

“Oh well, after the Mexican guy came over and blew up my rave equipment I didn’t really know what to do, so I called up Command and they said that they didn’t have me in the system so I told them that I needed a transport out but since I wasn’t in the system they wouldn’t pick me up. I hitched a ride with some aliens that were coming back for some technology and then I became a groupie to a punk rock band and then my itching got passed around and they dropped me off here.”

“That sounds like quite a story.”

“Yeah, but everything worked out! I found you!” Sister yelled as she leaped off the stage to give Grif a hug.

“Hey can we get some music started? It IS time the club opened and I want to get my groove on.” Donut stated as he irritably tapped his foot.

“Oh yeah, give me a moment.” Sister stated as she turned to the computer in front of her. Grif caught a glimpse at a VERY familiar background. 

“Wait what was that?” Grif asked as he grabbed the laptop and moved back to the other tab. The “Me love Grif and Simmons Long Time” website stared back at him, in all of its poorly designed glory. 

“What the hell is this?” He asked.

“Oh, that’s my hobby website.” Sister answered.

“YOU started this?” Grif questioned.

“Well duh. Why wouldn’t I want to support my big bro and his husband?”

“Husband?” Grif sputtered. “We aren’t married!”

“Yeah right. You live together, you eat together, you go to work together, you bicker, and you give each other looks when you think the other isn’t watching. You know what that’s called? Being married. _Duh_. Not to mention you guys are pretty hot and the reporters on the site know what they’re doing.”

“Reporters? Do you mean those piece of shit fanfiction authors?” Grif asked.

“No, reporters because all the stuff they write actually happens. They even have pictures for proof, although I didn’t know Simmons had cat ears or that he eats pie in that weird way. You should tell him it looks like he’s eating cum.”

“Ok, you know what. You are literally to stupid to have a conversation with right now. Turn on the music. I want a drink. The sooner I pass out from alcohol intoxication that sooner this night can be over.”

“Woohoo! That’s what I’m saying!” Donut cheered.

Sister shrugged as she took her laptop back from her brother and turned on some music. It took a little time but soon the club was packed. All that could be heard was the beat from the music. Grif sat there watching Donut attempt to discuss the proper application of lace through the music. It seemed like the conversation was getting pretty heated. Grif kept his head down as he nursed a blue Hawaiian. He hoped that Donut didn’t have any tequila. The last thing Grif needed to do was break up a brawl which started over _fucking lace._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grif has a lot to think about. Thanks to everyone who gave kudos to, bookmarked, or reviewed this story! I appreciate it!


	8. Simmons Gets Caught

Simmons pulled the blankets around himself as he sat in the dark room. It was 2 AM. He stared blankly at the wall. Anticipation was eating him up inside as he waited for Grif. There was a feeling of wrongness sitting in Grif’s bed. The maroon soldier grimaced as he pulled off a candy wrapper that was stuck to his leg.

 _Another reason to not be in Grif’s room._

It reminded him of the story he had read the day before.

_“Simmons smiled as he wrapped himself deeper in Grif’s blankets. It was so comfy. He wished that Grif would hurry home. Simmons rubbed his swollen stomach. He would be a Father soon. Grif was nice enough to run down to the grocery store and pick him up some anchovy flavored jello.”_

The fiction had been relaxing, if not a bit creepy. Simmons didn’t understand why _HE_ had to be the “carrier”. It takes two to tango after all. He supposed that he should be happy the author went the magic womb route instead of Tucker’s “fucked by an alien” one. 

Normally, Simmons would have done what he could to reduce his time in town. People always came up to him to thank him for saving the planet. The maroon soldier was flattered by the attention but most of the time it seemed a little much. Simmons didn’t consider what he did a big effort to the war. There were many people who had sacrificed more than him. He often thought that it was in poor taste that he was singled out.

There were times that he just wanted to be a regular civilian. He spent most the day looking at writing advice to make his Grif and Simmons sex story more compelling. It was always important to go over the basics. He had to show “lazyorange” what he got for messing with the “maroon platoon”!

Simmons had not been able to actually write anything seeing how he was in public and writing about wrapping his hand around Grif’s dick did not seem appropriate where others could see him. No one ever needed to know his secret past time. He already got stopped enough with people asking how Grif was and appearing shocked when they weren’t together. _It’s not like we’re ALWAYS together. Assholes._

The longer the day wore on the more nervous Simmons became. He ended up doing another round of training and weapon maintenance before heading home at around 9 PM. He wondered if Grif had realized that this his pie was gone and stopped off at the store to buy more. _No reason to antagonize him further_. He wondered how he could get his roommate to agree to Sarge’s plan. The plan itself was creepily like a bad fanfiction. Knowing Sarge, his Commander had probably thought hours on how to “defeat the Blues.” _He’s an idiot_. Simmons shook his head at the thought. He needed to be more respectful as a soldier. Thankfully Grif had been gone and Simmons tried not to feel too much worry at the sudden disappearance. He walked to the refrigerator to check for a note. He wasn’t surprised when he didn’t find one. _The asshole probably couldn’t be bothered. Fucker._

This left Simmons with a conundrum. He had been preparing to launch into an explanation about how they needed to sleep together and bribe Grif with snacks, now that Grif wasn’t there the maroon soldier felt deflated. Grif’s absence was noticeable. Simmons could not feel at ease. He waited on the couch but when it became obvious that Grif wouldn’t be home anytime soon Simmons forced himself to wait in Grif’s bed so Grif couldn't avoid responsibility. 

Simmons itched to finish his story. A thought came to him. If he didn’t write fanfiction now then it would be unlikely that he could write it at all without being near Grif. His roommate finding out about his hobby was NOT an option. The soldier cursed as he went into his room to grab his laptop. He had to be fast. He went to the living room and hastily opened his laptop, even for him writing a sex scene in Grif’s room was a little weird.

_“It’s time Grif. It’s the moment you have been waiting for for the last fourteen years.” Simmons stated as he teased Grif’s entrance._

_“Oh God, please.” Grif moaned in ecstasy._

_“It’s just Simmons.” The soldier joked._

_“You are a God to me. A God among men. Please stop teasing!” Grif begged.”_

Simmons smiled a fond smile as he imagined Grif saying those word to him. _Grif would be pretty on his back, looking up with longing, dick hard and_...That was when he heard the door open. Simmons squeaked and slammed the laptop shut, quickly setting it aside. 

“Grif! You have to get a hold of yourself!” Donut yelled as he pulled the Hawaiian into the apartment. 

“No, I want to sleep. Why are you being mean to me Dou-Dou?” Grif slurred as he hung off of the lightish red soldier. 

“Because you deserve to bang out some dreams with someone who knows you better! Simmons! Are you here? If you are we have a large situation on our hands!” Simmons made a noise to show he was sitting right in front of them. Donut looked relieved to see him. Grif was holding onto Donut in an attempt to stand up while the other soldier swayed from the weight. 

“Simmons! Dou-Dou will not let me sleep! Attack him with your robot arm and give me a pie.” Grif demanded as he slammed into the half cyborg. Simmons ground his teeth as he barely caught his roommate from falling.

“What did you do to him?” Simmons angrily demanded. He took a sniff. Grif smelled like a brewery of sweat and smoke. 

“What? I can’t handle someone with so much girth! That’s your specialty Simmons!” Donut happily exclaimed. 

“What?!”

“Ok. I’ll tell you what happened but you have to promise to not get mad.” Donut innocently stated as he switched from one foot to another. 

“Oh I’m going to love this.” Simmons sighed, already anticipating the worst.

“Well there was this one guy at the club who seemed REALLY nice. We started talking and he said that orange was the new pink which I couldn’t agree with because..eww. I said that pink was the old blood orange and the new orange was the old pink but if the old pink was the old orange then it would be maroon which would be wonderful for summer. The guy said that maroon was a stupid color that only virgin nerds would find attractive.”

“It is not. Maroon is a great color.” Simmons ground out. Donut continued. 

“Grif was having a drinking competition with Sister next to me and he was losing.”

“Was not.” The Hawaiian interjected.

“Wait, Sister is back?” Simmons asked.

“ _Was so_. Yeah, Sister owns the rave club, either way, Grif just can’t take it like a man. Grif hears “nerdy” and “maroon”. Sister says that he needs to defend you _because_.”

“Because why?”

“I don’t know that’s as far as she got before Grif threw his load at the guy.”

“What?!”

“I threw a chair at him!” Grif clarified.

“Yes, then Sister kicked the guy out for making fun of her brother in law, then they had a celebratory drink and joint.”

“Are you telling me he’s high!?” Simmons squeaked out as he leaned in closer to look at Grif’s eyes. They were inflamed. _Goddammit_.

“Hi Simmons!” Grif smiled while he did a little wave.

“Don’t worry! I told him that drugs weren’t the way and the he needed to choose life. But he’s Hawaiian! Sister explained that it was a serious part of their culture after I told her she needed to stop being an enabler.”

“What were you thinking? Did you learn nothing from Danny the Danger Dog?” The maroon soldier angrily asked.

“Puh-Lease, I’m a soldier of culture Simmons. No guy in a dog costume is going to dominate me out of respecting others cultural practices! And speaking of dogs, it’s not my job to keep him on the short leash! That’s all on you Simmons! It’s your job to clean him out!”

“Yeah Simmons. I’m your responsibility. Now let me sleep and clean me out.” Grif complained as he went limp in Simmons arms and began fake snoring. It was all the Dutch Irish man could do to keep him upright. 

“Oh you fucker. I am going to get you back for this.” Simmons angrily seethed to both Grif and Donut.

“Humph. How rude! Here I bring Grif back and this is the thanks I get? Well, you can watch my fabulous back as I leave since you are obviously nailing me with your guilt.” Simmons heard a car honk in the background. Donut turned and walked out to the taxi. Simmons ignored how he stumbled on. He would call Donut tomorrow to make sure he got home alright. _That’s what I get for being the responsible one._

“Simmons? I have a problem. I am sleepy but I’m hungry. I can’t make up my mind. I am sleep hungry. Have you ever noticed how GREAT food is? Like we are so lucky to have food. When I think about all the food that hasn’t been eaten yet it’s just too much to take…” Grif rambled with tears in his eyes from the travesty of uneaten food. 

“Oh God.” Simmons stated with disgust.

“And there are cakes in the world that haven’t been made yet! Doughnuts that haven’t been glazed….”

“I do NOT want that image in my head.”

“Candies that haven’t been covered. Oh god Simmons and the Oreos..”

“Alright. Get to bed. I’m not putting up with this anymore.”

“But the Oreos…”

“Fine, I’ll get you some Oreos if you go to sleep.”

“That’s the Simmons I love.” Grif calmly stated.

 _Love?_ Simmons nearly chokes on his own spit. Simmons stared at Grif as his whole face becomes inflamed. Grif didn’t appear to be coming onto him. _He’s drunk and high, he doesn’t know what he’s saying_.

Simmons grumbled as he went to get the cookies. He forcefully shoved the “love” comment to the back of his mind. Grif yawned as he looked around the living room. A laptop was sitting on the table. Grif yawned again as he opened the computer. He wondered what the “reporters” from “Me Love Grif and Simmons Long Time” were up to. Grif blinked as he saw that the computer was already set to fanfiction. 

“What are you doing?” Simmons squeaked when he saw Grif with his laptop. His face expressed nothing less than sheer mortification. He ran over to pull the laptop from Grif’s hands.

“Be quiet! I’m at the part where Grif is crying. These stories always make me laugh.” 

“What? Stop reading that!” Simmons yelled in an octave so high Grif could barely make out what he was saying.

“Simmons. Do you think we’re like they are in the stories?” Grif asked.

“What? No!”

“Oh, Ok.” 

Simmons nervously looked back and forth in a panic. His life was over. His dirty little secret had been found out. He had to do something. 

“Filthy human. You are dreaming. This is a dream. I command you to go to sleep. Report to the servants quarters now.” Simmons stated as his face went blank and he spoke in a robotic voice. 

“Woah! Simmons! You were a robot the whole time?” The orange soldier asked as he stared at his roommate in wonder.

“Human! If you do not comply within the next ten seconds the Oreos will be destroyed.” Grif’s eyes widened and his mouth opened in shock. 

“Not the Oreos! Alright! I’m moving!” Grif frantically yelled as he moved toward his room. 

Simmons stood still and placed a hand over his heart. It beat furiously. _Where the hell did that come from?_ He took a deep breath and thanked his lucky stars for all the sci-fi that had prepared him for this moment. 

“Simmons!” The Hawaiian yelled from his room.

“What?!” The maroon soldier tiredly screamed back.

“Are the Oreos safe?” 

_For fuck’s sake_. “Yes!”

“Will you bring them to me? I can’t leave my room or a robot will destroy all that I love.” 

“Fine! Just stay there!” Simmons squeaked out. He quickly went into Grif’s room and threw him the packet of Oreos.

“Be careful!” Grif yelled as he barely caught the snack pack. 

“Only one?” Grif said with his attempt at puppy dog eyes.

“Yes. Good night!”

“Ok, goodnight.” Grif stated as he closed his eyes. Simmons quickly backpedaled and retreated to the living room. He grabbed his laptop and went into his room. He stared at the laptop wondering what to do. _Should I delete my stories?_ Simmons looked at his bed. _Screw it! Screw Sarge! Screw these stories! And most of all screw Grif!_ Simmons was going to bed. 

He could deal with this tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little long. Next chapter is last chapter! Yay! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, gave kudos to, or bookmarked this story! I appreciate it and it makes me smile! Have a wonderful day!


	9. Basebook is Best Book!

Grif groaned in pain as light filtered through his windows. He felt like throwing up. _God what did I do last night?_ The Hawaiian man forced himself to get up and move. A round of nausea hit him which forced Grif to sit back down.

What **DID** I do last night?

Grif stared into space as he thought about the night before. He remembered going to the club with Donut but after that it became a little fuzzy. He remembered having a dream where Simmons was a robot who was bent on destroying his Oreos. _Talk about scary_. Grif shivered as he remembered it. There was something else though, something missing. Grif forced himself to think through the pain. He remembered looking at Simmons’ computer.

 _So Simmons is “maroon platoon”. That honestly doesn’t surprise me much considering the writing style_. Grif gave a whiff of himself and grimaced. That was bad. Grif forced himself up and went to take a shower. 

Meanwhile, in the next room Simmons was also awaking to a sudden realization that his life was over. Sleep did little to reenergize his batteries and his mind kept going back to when Grif said he loved him. It was hard not to resist the temptation to hide in his room and Simmons had no plans of resisting. Grif would probably want him to leave now. Simmons thought about how he would have to check for new apartments around town. He was struck by how the thought of leaving Grif brought grief.

_It has to be done. There is no way that Grif will want to share an apartment with me now._

Simmons listened to the shower. He finally got up. _Maybe he smelled himself. I bet he reeks_. Simmons shuddered as he imaged the smell of Grif. The maroon soldier hit his hand to his head. _What was I thinking?_ Grif is probably upset about the story. Simmons hastily looked around the room. Now would be a good time to get some food since he would be spending a lot of time in his room.

The maroon soldier walked into the kitchen and was disgusted to find that everything in the fridge reminded him of his roommate. The cheesecake breakfast bars, Grif. The macaroni salad, Grif. The cinnamon rolls, Grif. 

“What are you doing? You better not be taking anymore of my food. I haven’t completely forgiven you for that.” Grif stated behind Simmons. The cybernetic man let out a scream as he stepped back slamming the back of his head against Grif’s nose.

“Aw, what the fuck Simmons?” Grif asked as he quickly held his nose. Blood ran down the Hawaiian’s hand as he held his head forward. Simmons watched with wide eyes as the droplets of blood began staining the kitchen title

“Oh God you’re bleeding. Shit!” Simmons swore as he rushed around the kitchen looking for a towel. His panic only made him slower as he reached under the sink and grabbed a towel. He handed it to the orange soldier who happily took it.

“A man can’t even get his morning cheesecake. What is wrong with you Simmons? Or should I say, maroon platoon?”

Simmons stops dead in the middle of the kitchen. Grif stands there staring at his friend and wonders if he had gone too far. The maroon soldier has paled to the point where the Hawaiian is worried that Simmons may be genuinely sick. 

“You ok?” Gif asks as he steps forward. His voice sounds weird and he holds out one arm. Simmons panics and stares Grif in the eye. 

“I didn’t mean for you to find out, I don’t feel that way toward you at all! I only wanted to prove the fangirls wrong!” Simmons hastily explains. His voice randomly cracking at all the wrong points from the stress. Grif shakes his head. _Leave it to the nerd_.

“How is writing fanfiction proving the fangirls wrong?” Grif asks. Simmons crosses his arms in front of him. He opens his mouth a few times before giving up.

“Ugh, you just don’t understand and now I am going to have to move.”

Grif pulled back. _Move? Not an option_.

“You’re not moving. It’s not like it’s a big deal Simmons. I am fighting against the fanfiction too.” Grif states as the bleeding finally stops.

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m being serious and it’s not like you can move. What about Sarge’s orders?” Grif asks. 

“Oh Sarge can kiss my robotic ass.” Simmons scoffed. A smirk came over Grif’s face. Simmons saying that line never got old. 

“Well, look who’s balls finally dropped.” A blush covered Simmons face from the vulgar insinuation. Grif continues on. Hell, he will continue on all day if it makes Simmons stay.

“You know what, we should team up.” Grif offers casually.

“We are already a team asshole.”

“Not in that way, we need to fight against the tyranny that is fanfiction and it seems like we are a real team. C’mon Simmons. You are so good at writing while I am amazing at drawing…” Simmons stared at him and his eyes widened.

“You’re the one who drew the “Pie Thief”.” The maroon soldier gasped in disbelief as he stared at the orange soldier. He had been infuriated when he went to “Me love Grif and Simmons Long Time” to have that come up on their forum. 

“Yes Simmons, it was me.”

“Why would you do that?!” The maroon soldier yelled. 

“Why would you write fanfiction where I am always in tears and begging for sex?” Grif asked back.

“I just figured that’s how you would be! I needed to keep you as realistic as possible!” Simmons yelled in a high pitched voice as he blushed. Grif shook his head. Watching Simmons freak out was way too fun.

“And I figured that’s how you would eat pie. See? We are on the same wavelength. Join me Simmons. Let’s team up and show the world that we are better than what they see us!”

“And how are we going to do that?” The half robot asked as he glared at his roommate.

“We will write a story. A story so realistic that it destroys the minds of all the Grif/Simmons fanfiction writers out there. We we write a story within a manga format.”

“It would be unstoppable…” Simmons whispered as he imagined the horrified whispers of the fanfiction writers from the blatant change in format. It would be pure chaos.

“Yes, Simmons. And not only will the change in format unnerve the writers but we do it realistically.” Grif stated.

“How?”

“Practice.”

“What?!” Simmons voice cracked at the end. Grif suppressed a smile.

“Face it Simmons. We don’t have a fucking clue what we’re doing when it comes to gay sex, or any sex in your case.”

“Hey! I have experience.” Simmons protested.

“Right, anyway they already think we’re together so we should have sex. It would be so gross and weird that they would never read Grif/Simmons again.”

“But I don’t know if I want to do that!” Simmons complained with a pout.

“Which would you prefer Simmons? Sex with me or an eternity of people thinking we’re together?” _Well, when he puts it like that_.

“That just sounds gay.”

“No, we’re doing an experiment. I thought you liked experiments. It’s not gay because we are so straight that we are not attempting to conform to the stereotypical straight ideology.” Grif stated as he opened up the refrigerator and grabbed him a cheesecake bar.

“That does make sense. It’s not like my parts aren’t already inside you.” Simmons said with a nod. 

“Oh that sounds dirty.”

“Yeah, don’t tell Donut I said that.”

Grif and Simmons eyed on another. Grif smiled as he cocked his head to the living room. 

“How does it start?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know?”

“What did they do in the fanfictions?” 

“Um...usually they kiss?” Simmons asked as his face went red.

“Ok, maybe we need to actually sit on a bed or something.”

“I am not letting you in my room. I have too many collectables. I can’t imagine what you would do to Captain Robot.”

“Damn Simmons, what do you think we are going to do? Ok, how about my bed.”

“Fuck that. I am not lying down in crumbs.” 

“Ok princess. You are so high maintenance.” Grif scoffed.

“How about the couch?”

“Fine.”

The two went to sit in on the couch. An awkward silence passed between the two. And continued on.

And on.

And on.

“So you come here often?” Simmons stated with a blush.

“Oh God, seriously? That does it.” Grif grabbed the front of Simmon’s shirt and kissed the other man. The maroon soldier instantly stilled but forced himself to remember why he was doing this. He hesitantly kissed back.

“You kiss like a girl.” Grif stated. Simmons growled as threw himself at Grif with a humiliated blush. He roughly grabbed the back of Grif’s head and opened his mouth to force his tongue down the fat fuck’s throat. They each recoiled from one another as their teeth clanked together.

“Fuck Simmons! That is NOT how you do it!” Grif yelled.

“That’s what the fanfictions always said to do!”

“Yeah, well that fanfictions are written by idiots! Alright, I’ll show you how to do this once! I think you split on the side of my cheek.” Grif stated in disgust as he wiped his cheek off with the back of his hand.

“Well, it wasn’t perfection for me either, I’ll have you know!” 

“Ok, get over here and straddle papa Grif’s lap.”

“I will if you promise never to utter papa and Grif in the same sentence again.” 

“Will you come here?!”

“I’m coming. Hold your horses. Jeez.” Simmons groused as he straddled Grif’s lap. The orange soldier gently held Simmons face between his hands and slowly brought their lips together. Simmons kissed back. _This isn’t so hard_. Simmons then began to feel the edges of Grif’s tongue poke his lips. _I guess I need to open up?_ Simmons questioned himself as he opened up wider. The Hawaiian didn’t give him time to back up as he kept a firm pressure on the back of Simmon’s head. That was when he was invaded by his roommate’s tongue. Simmons shivered at the odd sensation before Grif did that thing with his tongue which felt REALLY good. A moan escaped the maroon soldier. 

Grif pulled back and wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Congratulations you’ve been Griffed.”

“Ugh, shut up. Can we hurry up and get this over with?” Simmons asked as he ignored the arousal that flared within in and was poking him. _Going to repress that later_.

“Sure, what usually happens next.”

“Um, blowjobs. Definitely, blow jobs.” Simmons stuttered out.

“Man, I don’t want to give you a blowjob.”

“I don’t really want your dick in my mouth either.”

“Let’s flip a coin. Heads for me. Tails for you.”

“That sounds fair.” 

Grif reached down in between the sofa seats and procured a quarter. He flipped it and it landed on tails.

“Fuck.”

“Get sucking Simmons.” 

“You know what? I changed my mind.”

“Oh no you don’t. What is sucking another guy off too gay for you? Are you that afraid of your sexuality? Straight guys do this all the time, unless you really are gay?”

“I am not! Here I’ll prove it!” Simmon angrily stated as he slid to his knees. The sight made Grif instantly hard. The maroon soldier’s bravo seemed to be quickly fade as her stared forward unsure of what to really do. Grif huffed as he pulled down his pants and underwear. 

“You act like you’ve never seen a dick before.” Grif only got harder as his roommate’s eyes narrowed. The red synthetic eye stood out against (what seemed to be) constantly blushing skin. Grif watched as his dick disappeared between the nerd’s lips and how the tongue hesitantly wrapped around his shaft. 

_It was the worst blowjob he had ever gotten._

“You do know you are supposed to suck and move right?”

Simmons growled which sent pleasant vibrations riding up and down his cock though that didn’t last long. Grif sighed as he tugged Simmons lightly up by the hair. 

“Have you ever done this before?”

“Have I ever sucked a guy’s dick before? Why no Grif, I haven’t.” Simmons sarcastically shot back. 

“Trust me, I can tell. Look, just do what I say.”

“Fine.” Simmons stated as he attached himself back onto Grif’s cock. He looked up at the orange soldier expectantly. _He does have pretty eyes._

“Put your tongue down and slide up and down.” Simmons did as he was told and he firmly pressed his tongue against the shaft. The maroon soldier awkwardly slurped his way up and down Grif’s cock. He felt like an idiot. 

Grif gently placed his hand on the back of Grif’s head, “Now swirl at the top.” Grif whispered. Simmons slowly moved his tongue to the tip of the orange soldier’s dick. He tentatively pushed out his tongue at the slit. 

“Good. Now press down a little more and move back and forth.” The Hawaiian commanded. 

Simmons felt his cheeks heating up. He carefully did as Grif said and his eyes widened as the appendage began hardening further in his mouth.

“You’re doing better.” Grif encouraged as he lightly pulled on Simmon’s hair. Simmons could feel his heartbeat increase at the praise. _I can do even better than that_. The half-robot redoubled his efforts. Grif’s breathing became deeper as Simmons began firmly licking his shaft inside of his mouth. 

“That’s better. You are so good Simmons.” Grif praised as he unconsciously began petting the maroon soldier’s head. Simmons gave himself over to the feeling of Grif’s chubby fingers caressing his scalp. _Yes, I’m good. Grif says I’m good._ Simmons thought with delight. He didn’t know why but when he heard that word it made him feel happy. 

Grif leaned his head back as Simmons went after it as though he had something to prove. He was doing better taking a little at a time, what surprised that Hawaiian man was Simmons sudden enthusiasm. It wasn’t the best blowjob yet the energy which the maroon soldier put behind it was quickly making it one of Grif’s favorites.

“Ok, stop.”

“Did I bite you?” Simmons asked. He looked genuinely worried. 

“No, but we should probably get to the main part.”

“Yeah, stories that focus too long on the blowjob get boring after awhile.” 

“It looked like you enjoyed yourself.” Grif grinned as he poked Simmon’s hard on with his foot.

“Shut up Asshole.”

“Do you want to bottom?” Grif asked. Simmons’ face scrunched up at the idea. He ignored the throbbing member between his legs or his odd reaction of wanting Grif to touch him.

“No!”

“God fine, you are such a baby.” Grif stated as he laid back.

“Wait, really!” Simmons exclaimed as his face lit up. _He’s serious!?_

“Yeah, I have some lube in the bathroom.” Grif could only scoff as his roommate practically ran to the bathroom. 

“Cupcake flavored. I wish I could say I was surprised.” Simmons mused as he held up the bottle.

“You got the condoms in there too?”

“Yes, and may I say that pineapple flavored is beneath you.”

“Fuck off. I’m Hawaiian. You don’t understand our culture, mainlander.”

Simmons rolled his eyes as he opened up the package and put on the condom. Grif stared bored at the wall. 

“So are you going to prep yourself?” Simmons asked.

“I have to do that too?!” 

“We’ll I’m not doing it! With the way you eat who knows what comes out of there.”

“Just putting it out there. You are one prissy fuck.”

“Well, THIS prissy fuck is not putting their fingers anywhere near your asshole.”

“I guess I will since I have to do EVERYTHING around here!” Grif groused as he held out his hand, silently asking for the lube. Simmons passed it over and watched in rapt interest as the liquid coated the Hawaiian’s hand. The orange soldier wasted no time beginning to prep himself. 

Simmons felt his cheeks heat up as he watched Grif’s hand pump in and out of the opening. The moment became even more intense was his roommate caught his eye. Simmons could not look away. Grif revelled in the feeling of having all of Simmon’s attention focused on him. He could feel his lips wetting at how erotic this became.

“Like what you see?” Grif asked, his voice suddenly husky. The maroon soldier blushed as his dick jumped from the tone. 

“You wish.” The red head answered without hesitation. 

The prepping took a bit longer than what Simmons was expecting. It always seemed to go so quickly in the fanfictions. He zeroes in on Grif’s fingers and ignores the way his body responds to watching the appendages disappear and reappear. He ignores Grif’s strong arms and he ignores how oddly graceful the dreadlocks fall to frame the Hawaiian’s face. _I have been reading WAY too many fanfictions_. 

“Ok I’m ready. Stick it in.” The orange soldier states without shame. Simmons takes a deep breathe. This is it. _This is when he becomes a man_. The cybernetic soldier slides the condom over his dick. It is something everyone in the red army is taught. 

_Remember boys! STD’s are not something that the glorious red army endorses! You never know what type of enemy scum you may fight, so it is with the utmost importance that my men know how to protect themselves from ALL attacks!_

Simmons swallows the spit in his mouth and does his best to focus on the task before him as Sarge’s previous “lessons” drone on in his head. He wonders what Sarge would think, knowing that all of those lessons would be used for _this_. The red head has a sudden do or die feeling, after this he can never go back. _Fuck it_. The red soldier moves between Grif’s legs and presses himself in. He pays careful attention to the look on his partner’s face.

There are times when Grif is thankful that he has been around the block more than once. He knows that when Simmons decides to invade that he needs to relax. The look on his roommate’s face could be best described as “astounded slackjawed”. He ignores the feeling on another man’s dick buried to the hilt in his ass and focuses on the blushing pleasure dazed face above him. 

“You better pray you don’t move.” Grif threatens. Simmons opens his eyes and grips his roommate’s legs through the arousal. Grif feels so tight around him and it is taking every ounce of self control not to push forward. 

“Don’t worry. I got this.”

“Sure you do Simmons.”

They have to wait. Simmons is once again surprised by the time though he savors the feeling. He vaguely wonders how Grif feels. The Hawaiian on the other hand feels awkward. He is still aroused yet it doesn’t seem like the right time to speak. 

“You can move now, Nerd.” Grif grouses out.

“Took you long enough.” Simmons awkwardly sputters out in an attempt to show that he knows what he’s doing and can handle himself. The nervouse energy was quickly coming back from the silence. Grif was never THIS quiet. _Maybe I’m not doing it right?_ All thoughts about proper placements quickly evaporated as he moved forward. It felt amazing. 

Grif groaned as he moved his ass up to give Simmons a better access point. _And he says I’m not helpful_. Grif could feel the pleasure beginning to take hold as Simmons began to pound away seemingly unable to control himself. _That’s right nerd. Keep on._ Grif mentally cheered. He tried his best to be quiet. One false move could scare his roommate away.

“That’s right bitch, take it.” Simmons growled on top of him.

“Excuse me! Is that you attempt at dirty talk?” Grif asked. The atmosphere around the two became instantly strained.

“Maybe. I was getting in the mood!” Simmons argued back without stopping his thrusts.

“Let me show you how much of a bitch I can be Simmons.” Grif growled as he pushed Simmons out of him on the other side of the couch, before the cybernetic soldier could protest Grif had impaled himself on Simmon’s cock. The red head could only let out a huff at the unexpected move.

“Who is the bitch now?” Grif goaded as he bounced up and down on Simmon’s member. The nerdy man felt utterly trapped and overpowered by his roommate. If this was what being the “bitch” felt like then he would be it any day of the week. _This is great!_

Grif showed no mercy and he felt even more empowered as he saw the helpless pleasure struck look on his “victim” underneath him. It’s a shame that the fanfiction writers never seemed to get it right. This continued on until they two couldn’t take it anymore. Simmons let out a quiet groan as Grif put all of his force down as he felt the condom fill up inside of him. The feeling of warm cum trapped in the condom, pressing against his prostate was enough to send him over the edge. 

Grif didn’t even attempt to aim his cum away from his roommate. _He actually looks good covered in my cum_. Simmons seemed too dazed to care. The white droplets glazed his stomach and chest. 

That was when the vague sound of a door knob turning entered their post sex senses. 

“Hi guys! I just thought I would drop by and do the super special Donut check! I’m…….oh.” Donut’s cheery voice filled the apartment. 

“It’s not what it looks like!” Simmons squeaked as he unsuccessfully tried to get out from under Grif’s weight.

“Well what does it look like? Because to me it looks like corruption!! Grif! How could you corrupt one of your own? Why Simmons? Why? Out of all the available men? Why would you choose the dumbest, fattest, most pathetic one of the lot. What did he do to you? And I thought you were the smartest one.” Sarge protested from behind Donut with a horrified look on his face.

“Hey!” Grif protested.

“The red army will never been the same again! This is a travesty! A TRAVESTY I TELL YOU! I will never be able to unsee this. It’s just like my uncle with the hose!” Sarge yelled as he ran out of the apartment.

Simmons looked mortified while all Grif could do was blink.

“Don’t listen to him you two! I think this is great! Look! I already took care of telling everyone so now you don’t have to worry about who is blowing what up whose hole.” Donut cheerily stated as he shared his post on Basebook. 

“No you don’t have to do that!” Simmons protested. 

“Oops, I already send it.”

Grif’s phone let out a bing on the table. The Basebook notification stood out on the screen. Grif reached over and crawled off of Simmons. “Guess who has FINALLY found their true love!” The post read along with an above the waist photo of Grif and Simmons. Simmons shrieked. The maroon soldier looked up to find that Donut was already gone. 

The phone binged again as Sister’s icon showed up, “New IT! They are secretly married. I am going to tell EVERYONE! Drinks half off tonight!”

“Well everyone seems to be taking it well.” 

“My life is over.” Simmons stated as he made his way to his room. 

“Hey _maroon platoon_ , want to start on that manga? Same time tomorrow?” Grif implied as he waggled his eyebrows. 

“Yeah, why not. Who cares. My life is over.” The red head muttered as he walked on. 

In the year to come the Me Love Grif and Simmons Long Time forum would be blessed with the most explicit manga written by their favorite couple. The book, much to Simmon’s dismay and Grif’s amusement sold out within a day, which then prompted a manga comic section of the forum. Sister could only look on her website with pride. She was **SUCH** a good Sister to show her support so well. 

Now if Grif would only let her be the DJ at his wedding this fall. …

FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this sums it up. I will edit more later but I want to get it out there. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, gave kudos to, or read.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually got this idea when thinking about how many fanfictions are written about real people. I imagine the same thing would be happening after season 13 where the Blood Gulch Crew is pretty well known.


End file.
